In a 2010 census, it was found that 5.2% of children aged 5–17 in the U.S. have a disability. This includes ambulatory, cognitive, hearing, vision, and other considerations that affect a child’s independence and self care. It’s crucial that our churches be a place where all people, regardless of their abilities, can be ministered to and loved.
I’ve interviewed a number of people with special-needs children about their stories. I’ve heard tales about churches who have really succeeded at being inclusive and a safe place for kids with disabilities, and stories about churches that have struggled.
There’s no question that the churches that have floundered in this department haven’t done so intentionally. It’s more than likely they’d never thought through what they would do if they had that opportunity. And when they did, they didn’t know how to respond.
Here are five suggestions that came out of these discussions:
1. Ask lots of questions
I know that asking questions can be scary. What if you ask the wrong thing? What if you show that you don’t exactly know how to deal with this situation? The truth is almost every parent I talked to said that asking questions was the key to succeeding.
One pastor who has a daughter with cerebral palsy said, “Ask questions. Don’t be afraid of being thought stupid or ignorant. Parents are more than willing to answer whatever questions you may ask, no matter how dumb or even insensitive they might sound in your head.”
A mother agreed, “Parents are usually thrilled that you are interested and care! I’ve worked in church ministry; I know often the teachers are volunteers, but some basic education should be a priority. For example, it’s helpful to know that if my daughter isn’t making eye contact she is not intending to be disrespectful.”
Much of the internal panic that falls on volunteers and teachers confronted with special needs for the first time is because of the unknown. Once the mystery’s been removed, it won’t be so paralyzing.
2. Learn all you can
If information is key to ministering to children with special needs, then why stop at asking questions? Look for resources to prepare your ministry to kids with special needs!
More and more resources are becoming available all the time. Check out these books by Barbara J. Newman:
- Autism and Your Church: Nurturing the Spiritual Growth of People with Autism Spectrum Disorder
LifeWay has some great resources available for ministering to people with special needs. The Orange Leaders team has written several blog posts about the overlap between special needs and KidMin. The Christian Reformed Church provides some amazing resources too!
Are there churches in your area that are really succeeding in this important ministry? Shadow them and find out what they do. (And don’t be afraid to ask for advice directly.)
“I completely get it,” one young mother wrote to me, “as my daughter’s symptoms started to manifest themselves, I was scared to death. When we started talking about severe autism, I didn’t think I was equipped to deal with it. But the more I learned, the less frightened I became. The only way people can feel more comfortable around people with special needs is to learn more about people with special needs.”
Do any organizations offer conferences or classes on ministering to people with disabilities? Why not attend with some volunteers?
A dad told me, “Our congregation has several special needs in the kids ministry (my middle daughter included). We arranged to have people from local agencies to come speak to our volunteers so they would feel more comfortable dealing with any potentials. And the parents shared specific things that worked with their kids.”
3. Realize not all disabilities are obvious
One mom said, “I know my church tries hard, but because my son’s Asperger’s Syndrome isn’t immediately obvious when you look at him, they tend to assume his symptoms are just him being naughty.”
This seems to be another frustration for parents. A child acting out isn’t always a case of them being “bad.” There can be a number of reasons why children with some disabilities get overwhelmed—reasons that can include changes in the schedule, or overstimulation.
Not only do you need to get as educated as you can about the needs of children in your care, every volunteer needs to be educated as well. Communication is one of the most important keys at your disposal—communication with parents, the child, and everyone who will be ministering to them.
“Also, believe the best! Kids without a diagnosis even could be acting out, melting down or having a tantrum. Children’s hallways are extremely chaotic! Talk about sensory overload, anxiety producing, scary places!”
4. Make sure they feel included
The pastor whose daughter has cerebral palsy said, “When we came to pick up our daughter from a Sunday School class once, all the other ‘normal’ kids were doing a craft at a table while our child was twenty feet away in a corner with a toy—by herself.”
“Soon after we visited another church and when we dropped her off, the teacher got right down on her level and began interacting. During the service they pulled in another helper to assist with her. When we picked her up she was sitting on the teacher’s lap at the same table as all the other kids, working on a coloring sheet with assistance. They did all this without being asked, without even knowing she was coming that Sunday, and without knowing us at all. They took the initiative to care. The difference was enough to make us change churches.”
That’s an amazing difference. It’s obvious that the first church just didn’t know how or what to do to include his daughter. It wasn’t malicious, but that didn’t make it all right.
A helpful way around this is to have a volunteer you can pull in to help specifically with the kids who need a little more attention. It can make all the difference in the world.
A mother with whose child has Asperger’s said to me, “When we arrive at Sunday school she is always warmly welcomed. It’s clear they genuinely are happy to see her. The leader usually escorts her, arm in arm, to hear the music before the class returns to their room. They keep her involved in the activities, don’t leave her on the sidelines (which would happen frequently in other scenarios). They only had kind things to say about her when we picked her up. No complaints or criticism. Refreshing! She felt like she belonged.”
As you can see, this kind of inclusion really touches these parents. They don’t get to experience it often enough.
5. Remember you’re ministering to the parents, too
It can be difficult to remember that the parents of a special needs child always have their hands full. Being able to have their child cared for in Sunday school is a wonderful opportunity to them to recharge and meet with the Lord themselves.
But they don’t always get that opportunity:
“The church we were attending when my daughter was born premature and diagnosed was great at guiding us through the initial trauma and grief. But as she got older, they didn’t really know or understand how to work with her or us. When we brought her to children’s ministry they insisted my wife come to work with her. Any parent knows that part of the reason we send our kids to VBS in the first place is a well needed break, which is especially necessary when you parent a special needs child.”
This is important to remember. As a community, we’re there for each other. Children with special needs aren’t burdens churches have to deal with; they’re opportunities to share the love of God with each other.
Conclusion
I think it’s highly likely that, as we learn to better care for people with special needs, we will become a destination for families who need a community to love and support them.
If you’re a parent with a special needs child or a church who has really made an effort to learn how to love and care for those with special needs, leave us a comment. We would all benefit from your wisdom!
